Larry Dringelbraher

I don’t care what people think about me. I’ve always been handsome, talented, sexy, I’ve always had remarkable appetite and I’ve always told a lot of lies. Oh yes, and those who don’t accept my perfection don’t exist for me. Pitiful enviers! (Gesticulating energetically)

I don’t judge people who wear “masks” to hide their true face (strokes his dirty beard meaningfully while speculating). It’s a lot sadder when people wear masks simply because they don’t have a face of their own. I, for example, prefer a banana or hamburger outfit. Cunning Talleyrand once said that tongue was given to humans so they could hide their thoughts. Well, my tongue was given to me so I can lick candies and pages of Playboy magazines. I’ve got nothing to hide.

I don’t think about press.

I keep a blog, as I ain’t a trembling creature, but I have the right. Although, you could say, I’m quite a creature (fantasising, grinning jauntily).

I don’t know what could become humanity’s most supreme crime against itself. I don’t know what is true and what is false in this world and how to live a life the right way. If you’re asking me, I don’t know anything. Do you? Larry lives the way he likes (like an animal). And Larry’s most supreme crime against Larry is strict diet and labour (winkling a piece of lobster out of the beard languidly).

Larry is a misanthrope and a nihilist. He may be uttering curses, fulminating, dreaming of destructions and annihilations, but he isn’t aggressive. Nevertheless, Larry is a dangerous piece of work (puts on sunglasses mysteriously).

The best way of relaxing is to slouch in an armchair, with your feet in holed socks up on the table, eating sunflower seeds and throwing endless darts at the portraits of Kant and Schopenhauer. What a decadent blasphemy! (Spluttering, choking with laughter).

As a kid, I used to dream of teaching a dog to make pizza for me. I also used to dream of building an enormous cucumber-shaped dirigible with a luxurious apartment inside, purchase some slaves and go travelling. We’re working on it (hastening a slave, carrying a bucket of black caviar, with a golden rod).

I used to have a lot of toys when I was a kid. But I only found out how to use them properly after I’d already grown up, when I once broke off my tourist group in the Red Light District in Amsterdam. What I also enjoyed doing was running around in short pants with a sabre and riding a stick with a horse head, just like Chapaev (Vasily Ivanovich Chapaev (1887-1919), a legendary Red Army commander who became a hero of the Russian Civil War — TN). I ran around like this till the age of forty, when friends taught me to drink and smoke.

My adolescence was a boring time. I was a very calm boy. I always came to school all nice and clean, and neat, and washed. Sometimes my classmates would beat me up, sometimes I’d put shit in their schoolbags. I dreamt of the day when I grow up to be big and strong and bite off the heads of those who used to bully me. I still dream about it when I organize minor innocent annoyances for other people (examining his manicured right hand with a large ring).

The person of the future will embody pure potency and energy. Mind, Absolute Spirit, Something Like That (putting on airs, philosophising).
The phenomenon of poetry remains inconceivable to me. If I’ve never contemplated the nature of poetry, it would, probably, have been much easier for me to articulate my thoughts with regards to this matter. Plato, back in the day, expelled poetry from the Kingdom of Forms after destroying all his poems. But there is one line that survived to the day: “I wish I could be the sky of eyes, to behold you endlessly.” Truly, poetic talent is a “gift” that’s f…cking hard to get rid of, however hard you try (sophisticatedly).

The only thing I know about nanotechnology is that they’re really tiny, these nano thingies (looking confused and bewildered).

Another thing I’d like to add about myself, is that I’m also an intellectual and an aristocrat.