SCIENCE: American science

It seems that today there will be few ready to contend for the fact that the USA is not only the number 1 world power, but also a unique state comprising both genius and stupidity. It’s still a great mystery, how such opposite meaningful relationships can come along together, but it’s still a fact.

Well, nobody will be surprised at the stories and rumors about the America State Judicial system, take for instance the cases, when an ordinary man sued God for not having protected him from Devil. Well, similar senseless cases can be met in the research sphere which are mostly supported by the tax moneys, carrying no significant meaning though.

There was also arranged the American public organization “Taxpayers for Common sense” (http://www.taxpayer.net/index.php), which is aimed at pacing the US Federal Budget money.

There’s another award, which pursues the same sort of targets, it’s called Ig Nobel Prize. This parody to the Nobel Prize was settled in 1991 by the humorous magazine called “Annals of Improbable Research”. According to the status of the award, it is granted for the achievements that “first make people laugh, and then make them think”.

Let’s start with 1975 when the National Scientific Fund spent 84 thousand dollars (we are carrying the currency rate discrepancies in our mind) to the researches devoted to the origin of amorous feelings.

HISTORICAL NOTE
In 1975 Americans were totally lost in the war with Vietnam, which practically stands for the fact that most US budget money was spent to this issue. Where did they take money for such amusing researches then? Or we must take it as a part of the program in support of the American soldiers on the battleground as well as civil patriotic feeling development?

That was the same year, when the National Institute of Alcoholism Research spent millions of dollars to just figure out whether drunken fish is more aggressive than sober one or not, whether young rats are more inclined to take alcohol comparing to their elder relatives in order to comfort themselves and after all, whether it’s possible to structuralize the process of turning the rats into alcoholics?

In 1981 The Department of Commerce provided the municipal town Honolulu (the capital of Hawaii state) with 28,6 thousand dollars to run a research on the best way to spend 250 thousand dollars. The means were assigned to make the surfing beaches more comfortable. That is a vivid example of the way the US government thinks about every strata of the population. After the money had been spent the surfers claimed that they had been ready to speak out their preferences absolutely out of charge.

The Ministry of Agriculture paid 46 thousand dollars just to know how much money an average American needs to prepare a breakfast.

The national Institute of Psychological Health assigned a considerable deal of assets to running a research aiming at figuring out the following aspect: why do skittles players, hockey fans and pedestrians smile? This research seems to have become the real pride of the American nation, playing skittles being nearly the major sport in the country. I bet the American farmers from some Texas spending all their free time in bowling, talking shop and drinking beer in the company of their fellows having nothing behind them, were pretty satisfied with the research results. And why do pedestrians smile? They are most likely to be happy about the fact they have just crossed the road without being damaged by some freak teenager. I guess such a happy occasion is destined to make a man happy, which correspondingly makes him smile.

The US Ministry of Education spent over 200 thousand dollars to teach American slow-witted schoolchildren to properly watch TV. Well, the value of this research is really questionable, when we are thinking about the fact that the American government points out obesity due to constant TV watching to be the #1 problem.

The Administration of Law and Order Assistance research at the cost of 27 thousand dollars was aimed at getting the answer to the following question: “Why do the prisoners want to escape?” Well, really why should they?! The answer will strike you with its originality: they just do not want to live in seclusion and strive to prove the law-enforcement authorities that they are not able to have people locked up, if they themselves don’t want to.

A research has been recently carried out in the Texas University, which results were aimed at revealing a great mystery: why do people make sex? The answer of ordinary respondents did succeed to pull the dreadful mystery apart: they just want to do so!

Within the experiments the scientists figured out that these birds’ excrements bounce aside for some 40 cm. The research has also introduced the pressure necessary for defecation – from 10 to 60 kilopascals, which makes more than for people. The professor got the idea of penguins excrements investigation, while demonstrating the pictures of penguins nests surrounded be excrements to the students. One of the students asked: “Why are excrements all over?” The professor’s answer was: “They get up, come to the edge, turn, hang over the nest and shoot".

Other American doctors have managed to measure locust brain’s activity while the insects were watching the parts of the epic “Star Wars”. There’s no information on the practical value of this research.

It all would be very funny if it were not that sad. Americans do not loose their hearts and do their best to answer the questions, which do not require any answer in the era of pig influenza, globalization, world economic crisis, fatal diseases and endless wars. Why do Americans get so fairly surprised hearing the whole world discussion of the politics aimed at the nation getting degraded? Stay tuned.